Tuesday, June 2, 2009

This Champion Has Been Sanitized For Your Protection

I fell asleep during Sunday's race. Somewhere around the 3/4 mark my brain lost the video feed from Dover. Probably for just a few more minutes I absorbed the commentary from Mike, Larry and Darrell. That was enough to plant a seed for a dream.

In the dream those same guys were calling a race from a dumpy little short track somewhere next to nowhere. Their little press box had chicken wire in place of glass. Only Mike Joy had a microphone. One of those big, old fashioned ones. Larry MacReynolds was red in the face, screaming to be heard above the roar of .... nothing. The race hadn't started yet. And DW sat quietly, selling even-split tickets to fans lined up on the other side of the chicken wire.

Apparently I didn't miss much. I woke up in time to see Jimmie Johnson, in all his gloriously talented dullness, race his way back to the front. If Jimmie had cussed a little in years gone by, if he had been born of poor, working-class Southerners, if only he had something of the apparent arrogance of a Kyle Busch, if only he was half as flashy out of the car as he is in the car, the stock car racing world would take no notice of a certain son of a 7-time champion.

That Jimmie Johnson (and his crew chief and his team and his owner) is talented is obvious. Three times obvious. So he'll keep piling up the wins and stats and no doubt has already earned himself a place in the hall of fame. But 'colourful legend' he will never be.

From my side of the fence stock car racing is pure entertainment. Without a piece of the pie I could not care less about the financial aspects. I want a show. I want personalities. Real personalities. I want my villains. I want my heroes. I want my underdogs. I want my dark horses. I want my also-rans. I want my losers. I want my braggarts.

It isn't Jimmie Johnson's fault. Perhaps he consciously withholds his true self from public view as a means of keeping sane. Not a bad plan considering the scrutiny these fellows live with. But Muhammad Ali he isn't.

Legends are like pearls. They start with a grain of truth. And it's with a grain of salt that you must compare the heroes of yesteryear with the drivers of today. Time has a way of distorting truth. Were the old heroes better than today's lot?

I predict NASCAR is headed for a fall. Just as the stock market will crash and correct itself periodically so to will NASCAR. I pray we're nearing the end of the corporate racing era. Sanitized. Homogenized. It is only fitting that Jimmie Johnson shall represent this time.

Friday, May 22, 2009

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
- George Orwell, 'Animal Farm'



Who is putting the pressure on NASCAR these days? Is it an external or internal force? Money makes the world go 'round and it'll make you or me or just about anyone else dance to whatever tune is being played at least most of the time. I'm not proud to admit that but there it is.

And so it is with the France family and those that have a financial stake in NASCAR. Racing at this level is obviously a big business. And business owners are keen to see their business not only continue but grow. Money is good. And more money is even better.

So is it from within that the NASCAR ownership is being pressured to make the decisions they make these days? Or is it the bigger owners? The sponsors? The cynical fan says it surely cannot be him. NASCAR is the ruler of the garage. Let there be no doubt of that and rightly so. But even the ownership of NASCAR is beholden to someone and to the something that those someones bring to the table.

My take on this is NASCAR has had a problem with rule breaking, rule bending, grey areas, etc from Day 1. With the huge amount of money on the line in the top tier, owner's money, sponsor's money, etc, it is understandable that the NASCAR ownership will take rules and the application of rules to the n-th degree. America is the land of lawsuits after all. So of course they will do everything in their power to keep all involved happy and not in the suing frame of mind. The stakes are too high now to risk being seen as biased or sloppy. Being seen as running a crooked game is not good for business.

So NASCAR must be seen to be the absolute authority. Every fair-minded race fan loves the idea of a true level playing field as well. Ideally it should come down to the skill of the driver, the team and the crew chief. Cheaters will be punished. Winners will never be doubted.

Alas, alas. If only the world was such a naive place. See my earlier money comment.

So what is NASCAR's ulterior motive here? Maybe this is NASCAR's way of dissuading the 'Start and Park' teams from showing up? This is NASCAR's new dress code. A Hendrick or a Roush has deep pockets (not that either wants to lose $200,000, mind you) and has the people in place to check the little things (the 0.0007" things) that can and obviously will bite you. The Carl Long's of the world, however, are trying to get into this party wearing brown lofers with a rented tux. You get the distinct impression they ain't welcome this year.

For a sport that has built itself up by the efforts and support of working class people and, up until recently perhaps, has billed itself as the working man's sport, the recent cold shoulder that NASCAR has shown, in my opinion at least, to its supposed core fan is just a shockingly bad business decision. It had something once, this sport. It was a certain hick-ish, common man charm. It set it apart. Perhaps it was all an illusion. Anyway, that didn't really matter so long as the racing was good. Whether it is true or not, the masses have decided the competition lately isn't up to par. But this Carl Long thing will not play well with the core. Doesn't it follow that a fan base made up of "little guys" will react negatively to seeing another "little guy" get his neck stomped on? I can't agree with those that say this is a simple matter of rule breaking being punished.

One quote that I've noticed being used to defend or justify NASCAR's decision this week to fine (cripple?) Carl Long's race team for exceeding the maximum allowable displacement for an engine used during this past "All-Star" weekend has been: "NASCAR has drawn a line and said 'Do not cross it'."

Fair enough. Setting aside conspiracy theories and looking at the incident from a strictly engineering point of view however, how thick is that line? The numbers I've been reading on the 'net (admittedly hardly a great bastion of truth..... ) are tiny. 0.0007" over in the bore of one cylinder and 0.0004" over in the stroke. Can I get a calibration certificate on that there ruler, Mr. France, sir? Is there such a thing as an allowance in these measurements? There is a bit of forgiveness in the pit road speed limit even and that is a safety issue which trumps a supposed performance enhancing issue.

I hope for Carl Long's sake that common sense will prevail in this matter. NASCAR, at least for now, is going with the letter of the law as opposed to the spirit of the law. I'm not saying he should get off scot free but there must be some wiggle room in these rules. If Carl Long's penalty stands then surely Michael Waltrip's jet funny car attempt should have resulted in him being run out of town permanently. Where is the consistency here?

But I still smell a rat in so far as their motives are concerned. They felt they needed to send a message, a brutal, no-nonsense message, to both big team and small on the subject of rules infractions (and so too I suspect on the subject of drug use). In this silly, absurd case, they saw their chance to get the message across but not ruffle any big-time feathers. They squashed a little guy to get a point across. There is no way in hell that this same fine would be levied against a top team if all the facts were the same.

They slammed the door in the face of the small potatoes teams and warned the big boys with a big time wag of the finger.

I wonder if Jeremy and Carl have compared notes?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

NASCAR Must Die

Forget all that I've been telling you. Re: last Saturday night's 'All-Star' race. Ordinarily I'd counsel the uninitiated that as it is suggested in upscale how-to sex books so it is in the NASCAR world. That is to say, more often than not is it worth the time to take the long way 'round.

Not so Saturday night. For this one night it is better to take that shortcut. Mortgage your future. Live in the moment. Be selfish, roll over and fall asleep. Tell me the butler did it. Fast forward to the good bits. Skip the main course and bring me dessert.

Four hours - 10 laps = a busy week ahead as I struggle to make up for lost time. I've said before that the actual excitement level of a NASCAR event relates inversely to the hyped, to-be-expected excitement level. And yet I dutifully sat through the evenings proceedings. Jeff Hammond's exhortion to "strap down your television sets" is the perfect example. I'm pretty sure you could have balanced your tv set (I love quaint references to bygone technology) on a wine glass, tied a cat and a dog together, and retired to the couch only turning the volume down slightly over those final ten laps without too much worry. It was the best infomercial I've seen all week.

Ad people have just stopped trying. Subtlety? Bah. Nuance? Please. Subliminal messaging at least!? NO!! The mantra the established advertising ilk teach their heartless spawn these days is to stuff it down our throats like you're taking the plunger to a clogged toilet. That nauseating image fits so well alongside the current sponsor saturation of present day NASCAR.

NASCAR as we have come to know it must die. If ever there was a case for assisted suicide, it is present-day big league stock car racing. I suspect we've find ourselves at the bedside of this morbidly obese, gluttonous, gaudy reflection of society after following a predictable path. An arc. A gently rising arc that everything must follow. A humble birth, rising from next to nothing to the highest of highs. A child destined for greatness. Strong legs to carry it far and wide, broad shoulders to bear an ever-increasing burden. But never more than a bastard child, bred of the seed of evil - money. From the high we must decline. All things must pass. And in these end days the pace quickens. This king has been overfed.

This bloated carcass that stretches out before us is only the shell of what once was and what was once great. Pass me the pillow. I'll do it myself.

And yet their are those that will allow this to drag out, clinging to some silly notion of a miracle. The die is cast.

Elvis. The Catholic Church. NASCAR. What the hell, I'm feeling cynical today: Western Society. Good things gone bad. I pray the end comes soon. The sooner we pull these rotten walls down, the sooner we can start to rebuild. If anybody needs me I'll be at my local track.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Where Are Our Petty and Pearson?

There are, at best, the bare-bones makings of two rivalries in the Cup series this year. The first 'rivalry', and it's tenuous at best, is between Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon. The Hendrick monster is running at full song now so I expect to see much more of what concluded the race on Sunday. Any racing series benefits from good rivalries but the thought of these two particular drivers and teams being the best NASCAR can produce doesn't exactly thrill me. (By "produce" I don't mean to imply that the fix is in.) I'll accept Rick Hendrick's statement that there are no team orders among his group. But I can't help but envision the struggle between these two teams playing itself out as a chess match rather than a bar fight. My tastes in stock car racing lean tend slightly toward the latter.

The most loved driver and the most hated driver come together in a lopsided fight in the other 'rivalry'. Unfortunately Dale Earnhardt Jr. has brought a knife, and a dull one at that, to a gun fight. His astronomical t-shirt sales numbers, his folksy good nature and his father's legacy are really no match for Kyle Busch's racing stats. Had the PR machine been cranked up before the season started and if Busch and Earnhardt were performing at a more equal level we'd be witnessing some incredible races.

For those Busch haters out there I counsel patience. Cocky driver after cocky driver has been tamed in this series over the years. No driver, not Earnhardt, not Waltrip, not Gordon nor even Petty, is bigger than the sport. While I'm unable to deny his driving skill I'm inclined to believe that to work with him would be a tremendous pain in the ass.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Oh oh...Gordon Is Winning Again...

And so the torch has officially been passed. The massed boos that used to rain down on Jeff Gordon (as well as half-empty beer cans) are now the sole possession of young Master Busch. Gordon (Wonderboy of yesteryear..... some nicknames don't age well) has suffered enough in the eyes of the NASCAR fan. He has served his sentence and paid his debt to society and now has been welcomed back into the fold. The winless streak is over. Let the smattering of applause begin.

There is something familiar about this story for it has played out before in the Cup series. Ol'DW gradually evolved from despised to an official Most Popular Driver during his racing career. (His close association with a certain animated rodent of late might be undoing some of that however.) Discounting the Elvis-like worship since his death, Dale Earnhardt Sr traveled a similar path.

The unofficial role of NASCAR's Most Despised Driver is now being played by Kyle Busch. While Gordon's only sin was winning and winning (too) often, Busch, while also filling that requirement, willingly accepts the mantle of Villain. And he seems to like it. NASCAR's answer to the Iron Sheik.

Don't expect to see Busch (younger) make the same mistake again that he made in Sunday's race. His little bumping fit only worsened his day. I think the same mechanism in his brain that remembers which racing lines don't work, allowing him to adjust accordingly, will come into play with regards to his ill-timed run-ins with other drivers. This fellow's desire to win will eventually trump all his other emotions and he'll at least become slicker in how he gets his point across to a fellow driver during a race.

Though you could have hung a sign that read "Caution - Wet Paint" on the Nationwide race on Saturday (read David Poole's comments on his blog) the Cup race on Sunday was actually pretty good by this season's standards. Though there was limited passing there were enough pit road goofs, on-track goofs, comers and goers and story lines to keep me awake and involved.

Quick-un's:

Carl Edwards:
Monday morning pit stop practice for this crew. Ouch.

Pit Road Mistakes:
Mistakes on pit road, by both driver and crew, have replaced mechanical failure as the unknown that lurks waiting to ruin a good day for a team. On the topic of pit road I second David Poole's comments lamenting the role pit stops have played in deciding races. Pit stops are important but the should not be a substitute for on-track action.

Ambrose Watch:
He was holding his own until another engine let go for this group. Still pulling for him.

Double file restarts:
Lead lap cars have to moved to the back of the pack for restarts. That inside line of cars is ruining the race for the lead. NASCAR needs any help they can get to improve racing at the head of the field. The Lucky Dog rule negates any need for a double-file lapped cars/lead lap cars restart.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Thoughts After Martinsville

The Cup race at Martinsville was a step in the right direction. Had Denny Hamlin caught Jimmy Johnson after Johnson's final.... ahem, pass, and we had a closer finish I think this race would have gone down in history as great instead of good. That said I'm content enough with what I saw on Sunday to not look a gift horse in the mouth.

Something seemed different on Sunday as the laps wound down. Has it really been that long since we've had a race that built towards a dramatic conclusion?

Despite the loss Denny Hamlin invested a little in his racing credibility. He no doubt picked up a few fans to go along with those second place points. Don't feel too sorry for him then. The most valuable lessons in life are learned the hard way so don't expect to see him play bridesmaid at a short track again.

An indication that NASCAR has indeed changed, for good or ill I will not say, was on display for a second week. It seems as if the only dispenser of justice these days is NASCAR. The children don't necessarily play nice all the time but most drivers seem unwilling to take it upon themselves to exact on-track revenge. Juan Pablo Montoya might just be the rowdiest driver on the circuit today but even he seems to rein in his aggression quickly. (Despite his silly 'nom de vroom' Kyle "Rowdy" Busch only gives evidence of his young lack of taste. 'Days of Thunder' is a terrible racing movie.)

If Jeff Gordon, Jimmie Johnson and Kyle Busch ever have a race where all three have race-winning cars, look out. It seems as if one driver is not just a little better than his nearest competitor but a lot better. Product of the new car?

Sunday, March 29, 2009

If I Were King........No more artificial Christmas trees

If I were king of the NASCAR Cup world things would be different. The very name 'NASCAR' is an anachronism. Truly 'stock' car racing probably only existed for about as long as it took for a driver to break a stock front end suspension piece and clobber a wall. In the interests of safety, first and foremost, and a decent racing product 'stock cars' are an ever-evolving toy. All very well and good. Drivers have died as the years rolled on but perhaps, hopefully, we'll have witnessed the last. In a seemingly divided racing world I think it safe to assume that all are in agreement on the safety improvements found in the new style car.

Gone too are the days of mass attrition in races. We take reliability for granted in NASCAR now. Having 43 cars on hand at the finish of each race only increases the odds of having a great finish. Since this is my perfect racing land that would mean 43 lead lap competitive cars. ...fantasy still but it would be cool.

The talking heads and NASCAR spokespersons claim that as the teams gain a better understanding of the new car the on-track product will improve and the hoped-for side-by-side racing will appear. Perhaps. Perhaps not. I don't have a handle on the aerodynamic problems that seem to plague the new car on those oft-hated mile and a half tracks. (Spit with me now: ptooey) I'm sure NASCAR has someone on that. But so long as the current setup is not working now is the time to implement my suggestion. Keeping everything the same under the skin of the cars, return to your roots NASCAR! Bring back stock appearing bodies! Make each brand identifiable.....
without the aid of stickers!!

I'm guessing a stock Camry body will not fit on the COT chasis with them big ol' racing slicks on there. That's fine. Scale the bodies up. But put back all those nuances that make each particular brand identifiable. It can be done. The wizards that build these cars can mold sheet metal (sheet metal!) as a sculptor molds clay. Add those door seams. Lift those side skirts. Round out those doors. Dirty the car up, aerodynamically speaking. By most accounts the car doesn't drive worth a damn anyway. NASCAR, now is the time to do this. The old school fan (the core fan...NASCAR, are you listening?) is angry. Extend the olive branch. And make it a good impression of an olive branch and not the cheap plastic ones you're using now.